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admin 12/23/2021

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Let’s face it, online dating can be tough. You might be asking yourself things like:

“How do I fill out my profile?”

“What’s the best way to send an initial message?”

“When should I respond to messages?”

And many other nerve-racking important questions. So how can you stand out from the crowd and attract more quality dates? As part of our I Do Podcast, my husband Chase and I interview today’s most successful and inspiring relationship experts, therapists, and couples to answer questions just like these. This week we teamed up with the Editor-in-Chief of The Date Mix, Megan Murray, to create this awesome Ultimate Cheat Sheet for Online Dating.

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Zoosk is an online dating site and app that has over 40 million members. So they know a thing or two about our dating tendencies and what works for their successful members. These tips compliment our interview with Megan in episode 112: Don’t Make These Online Dating Mistakes. In the interview we go even more in-depth with online dating tips, so if you haven’t listened and are craving more, listen to episode #112.

1. Fill out your dating profile.
When it comes to setting up your dating profile, most people would say photos are the most important part. In a way, they’d be right—the majority of online daters do pay attention to your photos more than any other part of your profile, but new data shows that your dating profile description may be just as important.

People who fill out their description actually get 28% more messages than those who don’t. But that’s not all, they also get 14% more likes and 8% more profile views.

If you’re using a dating site that requires a display name, make sure to fill that out too. Daters who didn’t have a display name got 20% fewer messages than those who did.

They found that daters who fill out the description of the person they’re looking for can get up to 31% more messages, while those who described their favorite date got 21% more messages.

2. Don’t bother saying hello.
Wait… what? No hello? That’s right. According to Zoosk data, using a greeting like hello or hi actually gets you fewer messages.

Saying hey gets you 35% fewer messages.
Saying howdy gets you 19% fewer messages.
Saying hello gets you 21% fewer messages.
Saying hi gets you 22% fewer messages.
Saying what’s up gets you 10% fewer messages.

So what’s so bad about saying hello? Well, when you’re trying to start a conversation with someone online, just saying hi (or hey, howdy, or hello) isn’t very helpful. Woman (and men!) see a lot of the same “Hi, how are you?” and “What’s up?” types of messages every day and it puts the pressure on them to come up with an entertaining response. Instead of saying hi, try diving right in with something like “You went to Jefferson High? Me too!” or, even better, “What’s up with all this crazy rain we’ve been having?”

3. Talk about the weather.
This one may seem counterintuitive. After all, what could be more mundane than the weather? But according to the data, first messages with the word weather get 39% more replies. And if the weather is bad, it’s even better for you. Messages with the word rain get 20% more messages, while sun actually gets 6% fewer messages than the average. The reason? It’s hard to say. But it could be that talking about something going on locally (like severe weather) is just an easy, universal way to start a conversation. While just bringing up that the sun’s out, is a little boring and makes for a lame start.

4. Don’t wait to respond.
If you’re wondering where to focus your efforts, instead of messaging new people or making new matches, reply to the people you’ve already messaged first. It seems like a normal thing to do but a lot of people overlook it.

According to Zoosk, if you want to get a reply back and keep the conversation going, reply back to messages within the day.

Men who message women back in the same day have a 62% response rate. Men who wait a day to message a woman have a 50% response rate, which is a 24% decrease. Men who wait two days before responding have a 45% response rate.

When it comes to online dating, the two day rule definitely does not apply.

5. Remove your filters.
According to Zoosk data, using filters while online dating may actually make it harder for you to meet someone you’re interested in. People who use filters tend to find a lot of people they’re interested in, so they’re more engaged in reaching out to those people and starting a conversation. However, they’re not leading to a deeper connection.

So what does the data mean for those of us trying to find someone? Well, while we often have a pretty good idea of what we’re looking for in another person, it may pay off to be more open-minded. Maybe we don’t actually know what we’re looking for until we find it.

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To hear the full interview and get more tips about online dating and relationships check out Episode 112 of the I Do Podcast with Sarah and Chase: Don’t Make These Online Dating Mistakes. And to get more great advice to improve your relationship and fun ways to keep the spark alive, check out the I Do Podcast on iTunes or download the show directly.

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Now that so many people are meeting online, we’re getting more and more data about what does and doesn’t work when it comes to attracting someone. Things like sunglasses or sports jerseys, often don’t “perform” well online and can cause someone to get less messages. But does attraction work the same way offline as it does online?

To find the answer, dating expert Hayley Quinn hit the streets to talk to real women about what they do and don’t find attractive to see if their answers lined up with the data.

Video Transcript:

Hi, my name is Hayley Quinn and I’m Ollie Pearce. And today, I’m going to be exploring IRL vs. URL. In real life women’s opinions versus what women find attractive online.

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I’ve got some stats from dating site, Zoosk.com, who have supplied me with what is attractive to women online, and then I am going to go out and poll the women of Oxford Street in Central London to see if they agree.

So we are going to be finding whether, men who hold pets or cuddly toys in pictures is hot, whether guys wearing sunglasses…have we got some sunglasses? Oh yeah…are hot, And also, whether a man…sunglasses is it sexy or not? Or whether being dressed smart or being dressed casual in sports gear is attractive to women online. So we are going to see how our stats match up between our online dating attraction polls and our in real life attraction polls. We are going to ask those women what they think and be back soon.

No sunglasses or sunglasses, if this guy approached you?

No.
No? Any reason why no to the sunglasses?
I can’t see his eyes.
Okay…

Sunglasses.
You like sunglasses? Obviously you are a sunglass fan.
Yeah.
Is there a reason that you’re drawn to the sunglasses?
I generally think everyone looks better with sunglasses on.

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I am a sucker for sunglasses, but I also think sunglasses are kind of deceiving because you put sunglasses on and you instantly look cool, and you could look like a completely different person when you take them off. So, I’m always kind of like, looking at the pictures and seeing whether or not they have no sunglasses pictures or all sunglasses pictures.

Which do you prefer? Someone who is dressed in a way that is smart or someone who is dressed in a way that is casual?
Smart.
Smart.
Smart.
Which…was that all smart?
Yeah.
Any reason? What’s it say about you if a guy is dressed…say he is wearing his gym kit vs. wearing that. What’s that telling you?
It just looks more professional.
Says you care.
Yes, says you care.
Says you have a purpose…like oh, going off to work.
Yeah I am going off to do something, as opposed to, what like, just sit on the couch.
Yeah.

Is there anything…would you have a preference wearing say like a suit or is sports gear okay?
Sports gear is okay.

Now, we couldn’t get a real dog today, budget didn’t allow it, but we have got a cuddly toy. So you just have to imagine this is a real animal. If he was posing with an animal online in a picture.
Mmhmm.
What would you think? Would you think it makes him more or less attractive? Would you think, what a nice guy, that’s so cute, or would you think what a loser.
That’s cute.
You think that’s cute?
Yeah. That’d be cute.

So yeah, you’d be a bit suspicious?
Yeah.
Have you seen on online dating where everyone has the picture with the tiger or the dog? Is that like a yes or no for you?
Uh, probably a no.
(haha haha)
Just because it doesn’t really seem real. So…
Yeah, looks a bit artificial?
Yeah.

No. It’s so cheesy. Like all of my friends who are on…I’m always like, oh my god they have gone with the pet thing.
So you thing the pet thing is a definite ploy?
No, like you know, it’s like obviously who doesn’t like a guy with a dog, but at the same time it’s like, you’ve gone with the guy with the dog.
Too clichéd?
Yeah, too clichéd.

Okay, I am dating expert Hayley Quinn and I have been joined by…
I am Ollie Pearce, image consultant and stylist. This is Rover. (Rawr)
And we’ve been taking Zoosk.com’s online stats and kind of just seeing what women’s opinions were like in real life, and if they correlated. I think the general down-low on the stats we received is as agreed with the stats. Sunglasses are…was cool…unless you got non-sunglasses pictures, people will be afraid that you basically are a Cyclops.
Yes, if you can’t see a man’s eyes you generally can’t trust them, I think was the consensus.
Right.

We also think that there was a bit of split over Rover.
I think Rover was generally, out wasn’t he?
Generally, I would say they were airing on the side of that’s a cliché. So I think the pet picture has been overdone and overused, so I would strip that out.
There’s too many hunks on social media with a dog, which they probably don’t even own or know.
Right.
I think was the general–
Yeah so women…women have got suspicious.

Finally, I was quite surprised about women’s…I thought they would definitely go for a smart look, but they were kinda like, pretty open.
I think they were open to the casual look as well. I think the context is very important.

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So we did mention that pictures taken in natural daylight, non-group shots, and basically where you just get good visibility of the person, so that you can trust them, I think that’s coming out as the most important factor.
Most definitely.

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Now, if you’d like to know more about meeting women in IRL (in real life), maybe somewhere like this, please head over to hayleyquinn.com/club. I specialize in teaching men how to meet women in naturally and authentically, in real-life context.

And thank you so much for watching this video. Big shout out to all of you guys at Zoosk.

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